[Kamen Rider Die]

KAMEN RIDER GHOST SUMMER MOVIE: 99 EYECONS AND A DARWIN AIN'T ONE



ALL DADS ARE DEAD

When you boil it down to its basics, this is a pretty solid story. Ganma villains show up, steal the Heroic Eyecons, our cast pursues, Takeru teams up with the physical embodiments of a few of the Heroic Eyecons to thwart the main villain's plan to turn everyone in the universe into ghosts, everyone goes back to Earth and Takeru's a hero. For an hour, that's a reasonable story. Throw in some fun actors, a few new suits, and the first appearance of (my first ever Rider) Kamen Rider Ex-Aid, and there shouldn't be much to complain about. Right?

So, here's how they screw it up: every single time they need to explain something, or connect one scene to the next, they manage to pick the most convoluted, insane way to do it.

1. Ganma villains show up - Oh, their boss is Alain's brother who we just were told about two weeks earlier. He's been dead for some amount of time? He was supposed to be an early version of Takeru? I guess? He got real mad for some reason? Now he's all about that Ghost Life? "Villain wants to end all life in the universe" doesn't need to be this complicated!

2. Steal the Heroic Eyecons - Of which they already have another 85 or so? That they got somehow, somewhere, at sometime? Without anyone knowing about it? Oh, and they're letting all of the Eyecons have fun in a village until they suddenly decide to just murder them all?

3. Our cast pursues - To an Eyecon shaped planet? That's around where the moon is? That has an entire Ganma army up there? That the Sage/Eadith knew about all this time and didn't do anything about?

4. Takeru teams up with the physical embodiments of a few of the Heroic Eyecons to thwart the main villain's plan to turn everyone in the universe into ghosts - Oh he also teams up with MAKOTO AND KANON'S DAD, who has been living in a cave with the spirit of Charles Darwin for ten years! Of all the insane choices the writers of this film made, this is the most frustrating. This should be a huge deal! Why did this guy abandon his family without any explanation ten years ago? What in the hell has he been doing for the last ten years that would keep him from his family? The answers to those questions, when angrily posed by Makoto, amount to Shut Up and I Thought I Told You To Shut Up. There's a vague "I went to fight the Ganma and wanted you to be safe" thing he tries to sell as he dies (ALL DADS ARE DEAD), but come on. It's completely unclear why he left, since the only flashback is him standing around while Eadith tells Argos to go get Eyecons. He doesn't do anything! And then when that dumb scheme goes predictably sideways (hard to believe forcing someone to go get you trinkets so they can get their body back doesn't win you their trust and loyalty) he's just, hiding? Forever? And when his son comes back, he's just Whatever? Why was no thought put into something with so much importance to Makoto?! Why even bother bringing his dad in if you have no idea what to do with him?!

5. Everyone goes back to Earth and Takeru's a hero - And I almost wasn't mad at the end! The fight between Ghost and Dark Ghost was neat, the fact that Takeru beat him by getting all of the Eyecons to remember food being great was unique, things were looking good. But no. Takeru gets killed, again, for a minute, Akari mourns, but then Darwin's like, "Nah, we cool," and they bring him back as a Ghost, AGAIN, presumably with only a couple weeks left on his clock because they're all assholes. Thanks, Darwin!

Just a frustrating experience. I did not like this movie very much, you guys!