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11-29-2012, 04:47 PM | #1 |
Warrior of Delusions!
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Wait, you dont know either?
Posts: 5,825
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This is my first attempt at writing a fanfic, so please leave some comments. For anyone who cares, this is based on 'International Academy of Hetalia Fanfiction' on fanfiction.net
He was sitting at his computer, watching the new episode of Kamen Rider Wizard. It was just about to get to the good bit when a message popped up, blocking the video. He clicked on it, but it refused to go away. It said YOU HAVE BEEN SELECTED TO JOIN THE NEW KAMEN RIDER HIGH SCHOOL!!! PLEASE RELAX FOR TELEPORTATION AND BRAIN INFO DUMP!! THANK YOU!! He swore at his screen and spun his swivel chair around. And fell into darkness..... Next time...where has our hero found himself?? Is he at this Kamen Rider School??? Coming Soon
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Check out my occasional ramblings! https://akibamusings.blogspot.com/
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12-04-2012, 03:25 PM | #2 |
Warrior of Delusions!
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Wait, you dont know either?
Posts: 5,825
|
He awoke lying on a floor, his head ponding, his stomach churning, and his words slurring. He tried standing up, but just fell back down. "Hey, is anyone there?" he asked. His eyes were then burned by light, as a door was opened ahead of him. He walked through it, and found himself standing in a large room full of people. Most were around his age, 15, although there were some older people, about 20ish. The room looked like it belonged in a victorian music hall, with large curtains and oak wood doors. Their attention was all atracted by a man at the front of the room, standing on a stage. Other's were standing behing him, althoug some looked uninterested. The man spoke, and all the people's attentions were suddenly grabbed.
"My name is Tsukasa Kadoya. You have all been brought here because you are to become the next generation of KAMEN RIDERS! Look at your waists" Everyone looked, and were surprised. Their waists were affixed with many different sorts of belts. "Now you see," said Tsukasa. "If you don't want to be here, tough. Your parents won't notice you're gone, and good look escaping from a flying dragon/castle thing. You will now be shown to your rooms. You're sharing because, as Wataru keeps telling me, we don't have enough rooms for one each. Now go." The men came down from the stage and started showing people to their rooms. After about five minutes, our hero was shown to his room. It had 4 beds in it, a table next to each bed and a wardrobe next to that. Two people were already in the room. One was lying on their bed, a christian cross round his neck. Stopping his examination of a strange, fist like object, he looked at the newcomer and asked "What's your name?" "Lewis. What's yours??" "Nathan. His name's Jack," he said, pointing at the perosn lying on the third bed. He had messy black hair and was fast asleep, already wrapped up in his quilt. "He went to sleep 5 minutes ago." Nathan went back to examining his knuckle device and Lewis sat down on the bed next to the door. He laid down and went immediately to sleep. That transport had tired him out...
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Check out my occasional ramblings! https://akibamusings.blogspot.com/
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12-09-2012, 06:23 PM | #3 |
Neon Blade Outlaw
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Californa
Posts: 2,725
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This is a good start, but you SPAG is going to need some work. Also, when a different character is speaking, it's best to space out what they need to say so it doesn't read like a run-on sentence.
It's always a good idea to read your work over before submitting it so you can catch what needs to be fixed. SPAG is short for Spelling Punctuation And Grammar if you were curious about what I meant. |
12-10-2012, 04:06 PM | #4 |
Warrior of Delusions!
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Wait, you dont know either?
Posts: 5,825
|
Thanks. I know what it means - my teachers keep telling us that some of our questions will br marked like that. But thanks for the tip!
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Check out my occasional ramblings! https://akibamusings.blogspot.com/
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