Welcome to Taco Bell, would you like to try a new--
NO!
In celebration of the rebirth of
TacoNation, we went ahead and took a trip to our local
Taco Bell restaurant. We didn't want to get fancy - none of this "it's a Dorito flavored shell" crap - gimme something basic and tasty that isn't going to cost me more than a handful of change. Thus, I ordered the
T8 - Three Taco Meal (Crunchy). And yes - as tradition for any time that anyone ever goes to
Taco Bell, I chose to have a
Mountain Dew Baja Blast with my order. If you don't, you're a horrible human being and you should stay far, far away from any place that serves tacos.
I was pleased to say that on this trip to
Taco Bell, my tacos were not bleeding "meat" sauce all over the place. For the most part, my tacos were intact with their meat-substitute flavored goodness. I also asked for
Fire Sauce, because it needs to burn from the second it enters your body till the second it leaves, and I'm pleased to say that my local
Taco Bell hooked me up with SIX, count them SIX packets of
Fire Sauce. Thanks
Taco Bell, usually I get enough to cover a portion of my food and that's it - this time I got enough to cover everything thoroughly - the point that I tried drowning my last taco as to not waste the sauce.
Right off the bat - your teeth sink through a warm shell that crunches and your glands begin to salivate as that delicious taste of "meat", "cheese", "lettuce", and whatever the hell is in the sauce hits your tongue. Your eyes close as a slight moan of pleasure escapes your lips as you chew because you've finally, FINALLY made it home with your lunch. And as your throat begins to dry out and burn because of how much incredible matter is working its way down, you reach for your
Mountain Dew Baja Blast, take an ice cold sip, and exhale as your eyes close because you realize - it really doesn't get any better than this, right here, right now.
Just look at the picture of the
Fire Sauce pouring on to that delicious taco. Doesn't it make you feel dirty? Doesn't it make you look to your left and to your right to make sure no one is watching the screen because you've trained yourself to be cautious when looking at things that bring you pleasure? That's what the second taco is. The first taco is a fight or flight type of ordeal - should you do it? What happens if you do? You only live once, right? The second taco is where the fun is because that's where you've committed - there's no turning back now! This is where you hit your rhythm and you're devouring this thing at a nice, steady pace.
By the third taco you're starting to slow down. You don't know if you have the energy to finish it - and at the same time you're a little sad in the back of your mind because you know that once this is gone - that's it. And, unless you're eating incredibly fast, this taco is also beginning to get cold - adding a sauce of any type (which are by default room temperature) is only going to make the taco colder - which means you either need to microwave it or man/woman up and just finish it. There are many questions that come in to play here - how many packets of sauce do you have left? Do you use them all, or do you stash them for later so you can always make sure that no matter how much the inexperienced high school drive-thru clerk tries to screw you, you always get the last laugh? In my experience - go big or go home because there's no guarantee that your local
Taco Bell is going to be there tomorrow.
COVER IT WITH EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT.
And then eat it. Let the sauce get on your lips and give it a little burn. Let your fingers get sticky and covered in various sauces of what you're eating. Smear that same sauce onto your beverage as you wash it down. And, like a scene out of the
Walking Dead, look for the closest object to wipe your leftovers from your hands and face on. Thankfully, my
Taco Bell must realize what a hopeless pig of an eater I am with their tacos because they gave me plenty of napkins, to the point that I had extra.
So let's break it down.
The Good- It's a taco
- There's three of them
- They taste good
- Baja Blast is Baja Awesome
The Bad- Eventually you finish
- The drinks have too much ice
- I had to pause eating to take pictures
The Conclusion
For $5.28 I had myself a meal that consisted of tacos. I'd pay double that if I had to. Thanks to
Taco Bell and
Mountain Dew (part of
Pepsi Co) for the delicious lunch. There's only a handful of hours now until my body is ready again - and when it's ready, I'll be ready, and I hope you are to. Go get yourself some tacos, people!
