Nope I understand that. Doesn't change the fact that I'm unlucky though.

Luck is a dirty cheater. And having victory over someone who cheats is just all the more satisfying.

7 years though. Sometimes the flame just gonna go out anyway.

I wasn't joking when I said the road was really long and difficult. Nothing wrong with taking a breather every now and then, but don't just fully out and out give up.

Just give up on me already. If my friends wouldn't bother when I was admitted to ICU then some internet strangers shouldn't too.

Not happening. Get the help you need, because even if it seems like you don't believe it, you deserve it, and I think alot of us here would attest to that.

First off, yeah, I don't see us all doing that.

Second off, welcome back. I'm pretty relieved! These boards are better for you being a part of them.

Finally, please, consider reaching out to a professional again. There are free resources to get you started if you've been let down by experts in the past. There is no shame in reaching out when you're having suicidal thoughts, but make sure you're reaching out to someone who can give you the help you need. We care about you, we're your friends, but there's a limit to what help we can offer here. Trying to talk you through suicidal ideation on a tokusatsu fan forum... it's like asking a car mechanic to fix a jet engine. The scale of it is so much more than we've got the tools for, you know?

I'm, honestly, gutted that you're not finding the help you need when you clearly are asking people for it. I'd ask that you not give up, though, on yourself or in professionals. Please.

And why the hell would we give up on you? Or anybody for that matter? Listen. Life is precious. You might be surrounded by negative influences, but who hasn't? We all have our ups and downs.

Remember: life is a thorn bush full of roses. It sucks, but there are always good moments.

Oh, as for your therapist? Either she's inexperienced or she's a quack. I went through a lot of years with the mindset of 'don't ask for help'. Once I actually asked for help, all the answers came to me.

I remember in an earlier post you mentioned you also had autism? Word of advice: captalise on your strengths and improve on your weaknesses. Helped me a lot.

I'll pray for you if that'll reassure you. Just keep talking to us. Every member on this forum counts. It's called Tokunation for a reason.

EDIT: If it helps you, here's a few coping mechanisms that helped me a lot:
-Breathing techniques
-Go to a silent place
-Focus on pleasant thoughts (for me its either a flowery field or Gundams beating the crap out of each other)
-Reading
-Prayer (I'm religious so it helped me. Even if you're not religious, just putting this out there.)
-Take a break for a few seconds/minutes to be able to process your surroundings/tasks. Breathe and relax.

On a side note, there might be a certain food which affects you mentally. As a child I used to have anger issues on a regular basis until my doctor told my family to stop feeding me certain foods. Turns out my gut wasn't healthy enough to process gluten. Now i'm gluten-free and a lot less angrier. I'm not an expert on this subject but it's something you might want to chew on (pun intended). On a lighter note, soy makes me happier. No, i don't know how that works.

It is a fallacy to believe you cannot rely on others. The entirety of human existence proves otherwise. We survive through our communities and adapt to changes as groups, individually experiencing things alone when we choose, but ultimately we're all in this together.

Not getting any help doesn't make someone brave. True bravery is opening oneself up, being vulnerable, to others so that they can truly help and empower you. I say this from experience. 7 years of bad luck isn't really bad luck- it's perseverance, it's fighting, it's a win because you're still here.

It is true that you may consider the people here as internet strangers, but the willingness for strangers to build a community and support each other is proof positive that we can find good and help in each other. We can rely on others.

I may not have been here as long as other users, but I've posted stuff and I've seen you comment in response and it was awesome! You can often make someone's day without realizing it and that is a powerful thing.

Regis Philbin died.

https://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity...st-dead-at-88/