Pretty cool story here!

I know you used pronouns to be purposefully ambiguous for the story, but there are some other places where it might be helpful to the reader to establish the subject.

In these lines:

1) “If they find out the old race is gone, they’ll accuse us of ethnic cleansing! Even worse, they’ll use this as an opportunity to take control of Earth! After everything we went through to liberate it from out creators!”


2) “This is a serious blunder! Who’s in charge of security in the trade colony?!? They should be interrogated and admonished immediately!!!”

For example 1, I think it would read stronger if the subjects were identified.

If the [Galactic Inquisition] discover that the old race is gone...

You can also play a world-building narrative trick here by referring to a similar event in the past with foregone conclusions. So instead of "...take control of Earth" it can be "...begin another purge". Take control of Earth is ambiguous in the grand scheme of things.

In line 2, it is a simpler fix using active voice. "Whoever is in charge of security should be interrogated..."

Lastly, returning to line 1, personally I think the concept of ethnic cleansing is a very human construct. I would consider how another species or highly intelligent group of multi-species would view something that is akin to a false eugenics.

I hope those suggestions didn't come off as harsh or anything! Science fiction short stories that make you ask What If have always been my favorite form of media.

Thanks for the feedback y'all. I changed some pasta accordingly and have already submitted it.

Here's hoping it gets a good result.

Good luck!

A friend of mine who I haven't seen since primary school sent me a friend request on Facebook. Don't know how they found my Facebook profile but it was a pleasant surprise nonetheless. Needless to say, I accepted it.

I am here and trying my best. I'm thinking about writing reviews of toys, but probably won't.


That's awesome! I hope they're a cool person.

I try to post a picture, but it didn't load. You can view it here on my Twitter account.

https://twitter.com/Guyver_Spawn/sta...136386/photo/1

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Adorable! Lilly was worth the wait!

Aww, cutie!

Absolutely adorable!!!

Oh my word that puppy is so cute! Again, congratulations!