Does not have a ridiculously long tongue.

Did not lose his lucky snorkel to a big ass hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril.

Is a ghost dad.

has not broken the first law of robotics recently

Is a closet [insert crappy dime-a-dozen tween sitcom] fan.

Achieved his lifelong dream of working a part-time job at the Sizzler.

Will one day, somewhere in the omniverse, shave a yak.

Managed to defeat a Tyrannosaurs Rex in a rap battle and live to tell the tale.

defeated by a walrus in a jazz flute battle for the ages

Sells hot dogs.