Possibly dyslexic.

He is secretly Santa Christ.

A pleasant mother pheasant plucker.

Is probably filling out a couple of brackets.

Might like tournaments.

Finds Miss America's helmet to be the sexiest thing EVAR.

He truly believes he is too sexy for himself.

So hurtful it's sexy.

Got drunk and fondled a camel at the Senior Citezen's Bingo Derby.

That was the wackiest Bastille Day ever.

Once slathered himself in bacon and peanut butter and demanded everyone refer to him as "King Oscar the Smoky".