[Dr Kain]

What do you get when Toho wants to imitate a Gamera movie? “All Monsters Attack,” that’s what.

There is nothing positive I can say about this movie at all. The opening song the audience has to listen to at the beginning of the movie is god awful and tells us how bad this movie is going to be right from the get go. Its plot is utterly ridiculous as it is about a neglected child with one friend, being bullied, who dreams of going to Monster Island to meet Godzilla. He gets captured by criminals that make Harry and Marv from “Home Alone” look intelligent, and beats them all with the help of his imaginary monster friend Minilla. While it is apparent that Toho was going for something kid friendly, they did it in such a way that this movie insults kids rather than praises them. The worst part is, Ichi is only this way because his parents are terrible people as all they care about is working rather than actually taking care of a child and let other people raise him for them. OH MY GOD, they are modern day Americans!!

Seriously, the characters in this movie are not even remotely likable, the children are annoying, and even the monsters are bad. Worst of all, the movie is pretty much a giant clip show for 90% of its monster battles, which makes it look like they were working on a budget of 1,000 Yen. Godzilla has no identity of his own as his personality is reflected in the clips and costumes shown. Minilla was a terrible idea to begin with two years prior and this just adds more icing to his already rotten cake. However, the worst atrocity is Gabara, who could have been cool, but is as useless and non-threatening as these monsters come. His coloring is unique though, but he can only win fights when he picks on a child and gets his butt beaten by Godzilla with little effort. The effects are non-existent outside of what was already seen in the previous movies, the sets look bad, and the fights are boring.

In fact, the battle with Gabara sums up this movie in a nut shell. A lazy cash grab made as cheaply as possible while insulting the intelligence of a child in the process. Thankfully, the movie is not even 70 minutes, but even then, it drags on forever. I give this movie a 1/10 as it is a waste of celluloid and an insult to the name of Godzilla. If there is one movie I hated a child, and I still hate to this day, it is THIS movie. Only watch it if you feel you must watch every Godzilla movie in existence during your Godzillathons. If you have never seen this movie before, seeing every Godzilla movie is not a priority and you have no reason to bother with this thing.