[Locke]

Watched Age of Extinction earlier.

There comes a point in ones movie watching life where you realise you must start to appreciate films for what they are and not hate them for what they're not. Before Age of Extinction was released it was already being torn a new asshole and when it was finally released critics were quicker to pick holes in it than they were to find things they actually liked, all texts deserve to be engaged with, even if you don't like it. I understand this is a beloved, nostalgia goggled franchise, but I honestly have never enjoyed Transformers more than these live action movies.

So yes, to get the obvious out of the way, Age of Extinction is very, very silly but it's silly on such a grand scale and always tongue in cheek, that it is the best kind of silly, the most enjoyable kind. Bay never set out to make the next Blade Runner, he took a toy brand about killer robots that turn into other things and ran with it. With the way people rip into the guy for these films, you'd expect the original Transformers or their many iterations to be high art and not a long string of mostly trashy attempts to capture some of the more magic, bigger Japanese toy franchises from the past thirty or so years. With these films, gratefully, Bay says, "You're either in for the ride, or left behind - it's one or the other." Those critics who are still poking holes in the plot like anyone cares were left behind before the credits of the first movie, good fucking riddance, no one likes a party pooper.

The real surprise for the narrative is the tone, Transformers are literally on the brink of extinction (I guess hence the title and the use of Dinobots) and as the Autobots are backed into a corner, there eventually comes a point where the fancy ideology and morals have to be dropped just so they can survive. This leads to some shockingly intense and violent sequences but also gives Bay an excuse to take the brakes off all together - who knew he ever had brakes in the first place?

Simply put, Age of Extinction is absolutely gorgeous. Not only does it push the boundaries of what CGI can do, and the boundaries of sense all together, it just has a fantastic visual style. I know Bay is mostly remembered for explosions, of which this film has somewhere around 8000, but Age of Extinction is a genuinely well shot, well choreographed, well put together movie with style to spare. Is the film overlong? Yeah probably, but set pieces this good can carry any moment of dead air.

I mean, let's be honest, we're all here for the giant robots and so you'll fall in love with these effects. The intricate and almost unnecessarily complicated transformations of the Transformers are an absolute joy, each Transformer looks so complex but yet so streamlined with each one having a clearly defined visual identity, even if bullet cigars and metal trench coats push the word "ridiculous" to breaking point. Overall it's difficult to pick a favourite moment overall with so many great set pieces.

Our little ragtag group of Autobots who make their final stand are really really cool with the likes of John Goodman providing the voice for a cigar chewing, overweight, gun nut Transformer called Hound to Ken Watanabe providing the voice for a samurai Autobot named Drift who gets the honour of being both a samurai, a helicopter and a Bugatti Veyron. Fucking hell, Drift is like everything my teenage self loves in one thing, all he needed was boobs.

Then there is Optimus himself who goes from looking badass as a beaten up old lorry to getting a really cool new lick of paint (in the coolest way possible) before he grabs himself a sword, shield and rides on the back of a robotic T-Rex. Somehow he's still able to be badass when he's gotta share the screen with Drift, and that is no easy feet.

The only real disappointment robotwise was Galvatron. He plays a bigger and bigger role as the movie progresses but he's basically just sequelbait and his role in this film is artificial at best. I mean I guess props for setting up a dark Optimus Prime 2.0 with the mind of Megatron and one of the coolest transformation effects I've seen but I'd rather Lockdown got more room, who is really, really cool but also almost completely wasted. Galvatron would have been best left for right at the end or the next movie all together.

By this point I shouldn't need to tell you but it's the human characters who are by far the weakest part of the movie, both in terms of action and story. I personally dislike Wahlberg anyway as I don't think he should be allowed to escape his past and make millions for having fun but I can't deny the guy usually brings a lot of energy to a lot of mediocre products. Here however the guy seems to forget somewhere along the way that he has a job to do and so although he may sweep up the audience in how much fun he appears to be having on set his story of an overprotective single parent who regrets past mistakes falls completely flat as he himself seems as uninterested in it as the audience is.

Who is he battling to protect? I dunno, she's so totally forgettable I've already forgotten her name. She's played by Nicola Peltz who is only memorable for looking more like a wotsit than a human being. The camera leers over her as the costume department do their best to accentuate her legs and breasts in a child friendly way. The camera is practically rammed between her arsecheeks for most of the movie, which I'm sure is bound to shock a few soccer Mum's while the seven year olds groan and wait for the next robot dinosaur shot. Wait what was her involvement in the story again?

On a more positive note is Kelsey Grammer, playing the downtrodden CIA bigwig Attinger. He seems too good for this kind of film but he doesn't ever put in a performance like he thinks the film is beneath him. It's amazing you can have such an endearing human villain when all the other villains are giant robots. Grammer adds a lot of depth between the lines for his character, meaning he never feels so much a villain as much as he does someone who got lost along the way. He's obviously made some very poor decisions but by the point of the movie he just seems to have lost all control, and is more drowning in mistakes, than making concious decisions to do harm. He is one of the only characters who really feels human here and not just an actor on a rollercoaster.

All films are made for the cinema, but very few belong there, and Age of Extinction is one of those few. Find your biggest and loudest screen, grab the 3D glasses, relax with some Ben and Jerry's and prepare for the cinema experience to be stretched to the limit. Bay never intended to push the boundaries of human thought, he just wants to push the boundaries of enjoyment, and my does he do that here. He does it to excess, as is the Bay way, and may he do it for decades to come!