[Matrixbeast]

GEKISOU SENTAI CARRANGER

CAR CAR CAR MAGIC!

...So, holy hell, this show just...Starts. Like, to use an apt pun, it slams on the accelerator and never stops moving. I want to do a little synopsis, but so much happened that it's hard to actually remember what actually happened

Well, let's at least try. If I forget something, then oh well!
So, we start on the far off planet of Hazard, which gets Alderaan'd by the time you blink. Afterwards, we meet our main villains of the series, the Bowzack, partying. At this party, a mysterious masked figure points out that the Carrangers will protect the universe. This masked figure is quickly discovered to not be a Bowzack, and actually the only survivor of Hazard.
...Using Car Magic, he teleports to Earth (Which the villains were already headed to anyway because shut up) and finds the soon to be Carrangers, working at an auto shop and lamenting that they're not getting enough free time to make their dream cars.
Dappu (The survivor), basically tells them they're the Carrangers, and uses his Car Magic to modify their garage into their secret base.

There are so many applicable JonTron reactions I could post that I'm not gonna post any.

Bowzack attacks! Apparently cars have a primal side that want to just go wild. BECAUSE. Dappu tells the gang to go into action. He finds out that they're all hiding from him and he has to both shock them and then tie them up and drag them to the battle.
What can I say? If all of this was happening to me in the span of about 10 seconds, I'd react the same.

Bowzack is having a field day and Dappu starts to fight since the Carrangers aren't doing a thing. After falling to one of the generals, he tells him how his mother died and dies himself, dropping the keys to their Accel Changers. The Carrangers then morph and perform their role call!
And then Dappu gets up and reveals he only feigned his death to get them off their asses...Could've at least waited a couple minutes...

Okay, they start fighting, defeating the devious fire truck by removing the key.
OKAY, I GUESS.
They also wrestle with an evil tricycle. I wish they destroyed it because that would've been awesome.

Alright, so...
One of them makes the Fire Truck become a demon and they shoot it dead, after it sends them all flying.
Also, they got go-karts earlier in the episode, and one of the villains tried to lick the ass of some sexy villainess.

And, much like a car moving at 90 mph only to slam on the breaks, this episode just ends. I swear, this show gave me whiplash.
Well, I guess since this episode dumped literally all the plot on you, things should start flowing a little more smoothly.

So, what is there to say?
Oh yeah, despite name dropping Gekisou Sentai Carranger about 12 times, the Carrangers receive little actual characterization. And by little, I mean literally none at all. Aside from Red Racer, most of them got about 3 lines that, like the rest of the episode, only served to further the plot (Or name their salary). They didn't even drop hints of character traits, annoyingly.
OH YEAH AND WHAT THE HELL WAS EVERYTHING ELSE?

Oh well. Pilots tend to suck hard, anyway...