[SengalBoy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by acdcguy

Yeah I can relate with that. I had quite a bit of friends in high school too. But only keep in touch with a small fraction of them in recent years. Hell most just kinda disappeared from my radar soon after graduation. I figured as much but it still was a lonely and depressing thought.

Rant time. What really made me feel extremely lonely is the amount of guys that lead me on but never wanted to enter into a serious relationship. Something that persists to this day. Nothing is worse than bisexual/bi-curious men that are afraid of the public viewing them as gay. I have gotten some of the weirdest responses I have received are as followed: "I hook up with guys but I don't date guys, only women." "I would date you if I were a woman." "Why don't you get a sex change so we can be together." I am an empath so I require emotional support from a romantic partner, but I have about had it with the dating world.

Most of those started with friends that I became close, semi-romantic with. But aside from that it's been hard to keep friends in this high tension climate. Plus I have had trust issues with "friends" since middle school due to rumors about me started by a jealous girl that thought I was involved with another girl (which pretty much turned me off from actively seeking relationships with women). So sometimes I can consider myself to be friendless too, which I know is not true. But it does definitely feel as such since no one reaches out to me to see how I am doing or if I want to spend time together except one person who I consider somewhat of a best friend.

And I believe I am about to lose another friend too. Someone I have talked about on here before. He is somewhat of a close friend. We have a lot in common and we can be affectionate at times. But when things start getting borderline romantic he will take to social media a few days later to tell me off about it and tell me about how he so badly wants to be with an attractive woman (as a wife), and an attractive man (as a lover), and lately wants to reduce our time together from hanging out two or three times a month down to once in a blue moon, and only if it's with a group of friends. He clearly has feelings for me, but he suppresses them because it doesn't fit his ideology. He views himself as highly attractive, and wants to surround himself with lovers that he deems to be at his level of attractiveness.

I am sick of this as people like him and the other men I tend to attract make me feel insecure by telling me I need to change myself physically to be with them, or be so shallow to but me down over my looks, and I am not unattractive either. But looks shouldn't be that important if you have a bond with someone.

That really sucks man. That betrayal, it can make us lose the ability to trust people, to open up to them.

Sadly what we need the most is to open up to ease that pain, but we're too afraid of hurting again.

Hell you know I think the world of my friends, but they don't. Back in 2013 a girl in our group is in hospital for just a mild case of fever, but when I was in ICU in 2015, nobody bothered. I fept so alone.

And this year one of them got married and none of them bothered to tell me. If you ever see me beat myself up, it's because of the damage done. And sasly I can't blame them because 'shit happens'.