[Androzani84]

Yeah, you basically summed up my feeling on all this. In the end, it wasn?t a matter of defeating a villain, but saving a soul.

And now I can conclude my Aguilera cosplay photos before getting back to my skits (this one featuring additional dialogue from DreamSword. If he ever deigns to post in this thread again, I?ll let him do the BTS)



Ikki: It's Ikki...

Vice: And Vice's'...

Both: Stamp Navi!!!

(Both pause, slightly confused)

Ikki: Where?s George?

(Enter Suzu, accompanied by armed guards)

Suzu: He insisted on checking my lab for any surprises, but he asked me to handle today?s entry on his behalf.

Ikki: Seems fair

Vice: And today's' stamp is this one...

Oblivian!

Suzu: Oblivian is the project my late fianc? Shogo Ueshima started work on, to combine the DNA of 10 different types of monsters from across the Rider multiverse into one ultimate monster. Though if you ask me, he was fairly short sighted to stop at 10, as I?m sure the two of you will agree.

Vice: Looks like a real bad egg!

Ikki: Ugh. That was bad, even for you.

(Suddenly, Ueshima)

Ueshima: But not nearly as bad as the Roidmudes!

Ikki: Whoa, who are--

Suzu: (teary-eyed) Shogo, it can?t be?!

Ueshima: A race of evil robots, hellbent on disrupting public order and messing with the laws of nature! Their ability to slow down time really messes with everyone's' morning routine!

Vice: Wow, that does sound annoying!

Ikki: Vice, don't humor--

Ueshima: Humor is something monsters like the Smash lack! They're basically just the Roidmudes but a lot less unique in their design, with many people only becoming them thanks to the dangers of gaslighting.

Ikki: I don't think that's exactly--

Suzu: Shogo, I know your knowledge of Rider monster was poor, but?

Ueshima: I mean really, look at all the black recolors they'd eventually get! You'd think they have a total aversion to sunlight, like the Fangires. Creatures of the night which have a particularly strong aversion to sunlight, garlic, and respecting boundaries.

Vice: Same.

Ueshima: Which, thinking about it, means they'd be no match for a Zodiart. Zodiarts utilize the power of the stars, which includes the sun, and as such could turn Fangires into shattered glass in an instant. Kind of a bad look when someone drugged up on a switch could easily beat a supernatural monster.

Vice: (leans over to Ikki) I'm starting to think this guy's even more looney than Kari-chan is, Ikki.

Suzu: (now yelling) Its wrong. This isn?t Shogo. The real Shogo was kind, he wasn?t this? this? (the guards escort her back out)

Ueshima: Actually that makes me wonder, are they more doped up than a Dopant is? You feeble minded normies wouldn't know about them. They're a bunch of criminals who directly inject USB sticks into their veins to get high off of the memories of the planet, turning them into elementals that pose a danger to society.

Ikki: You're not even listening to us at this point, are you Chuckles?

Ueshima: OH I'M LISTENING! AND HOW DARE YOU COMPARE MY BRILLIANT RESEARCH TO THAT OF GEORGE KARIZAKI!?

Ikki: Wait, you could hear Vice?

Ueshima: DON'T ASK ME QUESTIONS! His research is what lead to the problem we're all dealing with now: The Deadmans! Who are basically just Japanese people who are culturally appropriating Mexican culture with origami!

Vice: WHOA! Does the board allow that kind of edgy humor!? (stares at the screen) To the guy writing this, what is your damage!?

Writer: Sorry, I'll tone it down.

Ikki: You gotta tell me who you keep talking to one of these days.

Vice: Well you see, he's a devil who's stuck inside of a ring and--

Ueshima: Once I have the DNA of the Orphenoch, that's right, spelt with an E, because they're Evil, the Oblivian Vistamp will be complete, creating the ultimate monster, and I WILL HAVE THE LAST LAUGH GEORGE! ME!!!!

(George then finally arrives on the scene)

George: What??

Ueshima: Feeling threatened, George? Once my life's' work is complete, I'll be break dancing all over your grave like the Inves! And who even knows what the heck those are even supposed to be?

George: Goddamn Ueshima, either you've changed alot since the last time I saw you, or... wait, how are you even here?

Vice: (whispers to Ikki once more, who's just in shock at everything going on at such a rapid pace) It's almost like this guy didn't have much of a personality in the special he showed up in.

Ueshima: Well, you see, the thing about that is...

(Ueshima stays in stunned silence for a moment, before dropping the Oblivian Vistamp and transforming into a Worm)

Worm!Ueshima: Egad, I dare say I'd been befuddled into revealing my secret identity! I must away!

(The Worm flees the scene, with no one giving chase)

Ikki: Is... is it okay to just let things end like this?

George: Ah, it's fine. This will make things far more interesting!

Ikki: Well uh, we hope you all enjoyed??

(Suzu re-enters the room, now bound in shackles)

Suzu: Erm, excuse me? I actually know some real facts about the monsters used in these Vistamps. Perhaps I could discuss them before I get shipped off to 5 years in Fuchū.*



Deadman

Suzu: The Deadman monsters are born from humanity?s impulses, unleashed through the animal DNA within the Vistamp system. Humans can become a Deadman by pledging to a contract with the resulting creature, at the cost of their own humanity, unless they become the offspring of a malicious alien who plans to kill us all. (Glares at George) I hope you?re happy!

George: Perfectly. I?m a mad scientist with full government backing. But please go on.

Roidmude

Suzu: One-hundred and nine mechanical lifeforms created by Dr. Tenjuro Banno and his associate Krim Steinbelt. They were split into three types: Bat, Cobra and Spider. In addition to their Slowdown ability shifting the density in an area where they activate it, they also evolve into stronger forms capable of freezing a quarter of the globe through absorbing humanity?s negative emotions. I suppose my group would be the all you can eat buffet to them.

Ikki: I thought these Vistamps were things that humans transformed into.

Suzu: In theory yes, but Shogo wasn?t much better informed than the Worm you just encountered. Roidmudes could fuse their Viral Cores around humans in order to gain a stronger output of emotions, in theory. But in practice, it was the biggest balls up this side of AIMS letting Horobi go free with no penalty of any kind.

Dopant

Suzu: These people were like me. The Sonozaki Family sold body-augmenting Gaia Memories harvested from yhe Earth?s Core, all because their oldest son died in an accident. Only I simply wanted to fulfill my fianc??s final wish, they took it too far. The Dopants? original leaders, Museum, planned to exterminate all those who couldn?t survive becoming one of them in the Gaia Impact, before your new policeman Kamen Rider friend and his drinking buddies stopped them.

Ikki: Well, I wouldn?t call Accel-Sempai a friend.

Vice: He gave us his phone number.

Suzu: I?m going to assume your demon friend contradicted you, and say ?I rest my case?. Now then, let?s get to something more unpleasant.

Inves

The Helheim Forest. A cosmic lifeform that infests planets with its fruits to induce evolution into Overlords. Those who fail to make the cut eat the fruits and become these mindless creatures, Inves. And then they were used purely as fodder for a Pok?mon knockoff by a bunch of dancers, only with no way to recover from defeat. Not the most noble of fates.

George: I mean, it was kill or be killed during Gaim. And it?s not like the Femushinmu could?ve communicated their intentions to humanity, even with their intelligence.

Suzu: Exactly. Not understanding a foe can be both a blessing and a curse.

Grongi

Suzu: 2000 years ago, a tribe of humans in South America were mutated into these creatures through exposure to the mysterious element, Amadam. They attacked their enemies, the Linto tribe, but were fended off by a warrior bearing a refined form of Amadam, Kuuga. But evil dies with great difficulty, as the Grongi proved when they returned at the turn of the millennium and infiltrated Tokyo society by turning into humans, adopting heavy makeup and speaking in unusual words. In other words, goths. The police didn?t know what hit them. One of them even became mayor, for crying out loud.

George: What? I don?t remember that episode and I?m a BIIIIIG Kuuga fan.

Suzu: Clearly not, since you haven?t read the novel. Now then, let?s stay on topic with more serial-killing monsters.

Fangire

Suzu: For 22 years, or possibly longer, these demons lived among human society, draining life energy from those they deemed ?weak? or ?a threat?. They wiped out 3 whole races of fellow demons, and then a fourth by proxy. But their downfall came about in 2008. (Suddenly perks up) Ah, that was such a good year!

Ikki: It wasn?t for me. I had a tooth I?d swallowed come back up and get lodged in my teeth.

Suzu: Don?t let the bad get you down. (Goes over and makes a smiley face motion with Ikki?s mouth) Smile, Smile.

George: Ok, Kengo.** Can we please finish the segment without any more actor/role confusion?

Orphnoch

Suzu: Humans with DNA modified by the Smart Brain corporation. They were supposed to be the next phase in humanity?s evolution once Smart Brain conquered the planet. But then it turned out that they only possessed a half life, and the one thing that could fix that ended up on death?s door. That?s irony for you.

Zodiarts

Suzu: Not long after the fall of Museum, their benefactors in Foundation X turned their attention to these creatures, born from the cosmic energy that exists within all humans being amplified by an offshoot of the Core Switch sent to gather information by the mysterious alien Presenters. Those with the strongest Cosmic Energy levels would evolve into a constellation-themed Horoscope. When 12 Horoscope Switches are gathered, a portal to the Presenters? world is opened, but a chunk of the planet will be taken out.

Vice: Any chance they could open it in France? (Awkward silence and death glares) Hey, I?m just saying what we?re all probably thinking.

Worm

Suzu: The Worms come in two varieties. The Natives, who spent years infiltrating human society, and the Salis, who chose to launch an all out assault by crashing a meteor into Shibuya. Regardless, the two factions shared one goal: to usurp humanity as the dominant species on Earth from within. The Natives were simply better at seeming reasonable, until they began turning humans into their kind.

George: It?s always the ones who seem trustworthy that turn out to be the real threat. (Looks up at the FENIX logo on the wall)

Suzu: And now, there?s only these to finish this explanation off

Smash

Suzu: There?s less information about these than the other monsters Shogo chose for his experiments. But what we can gleam is that they?re monsters from a parallel world where Japan?s infrastructure was tattered into three governments, warring with each other. The Smash existed to create equipment for Kamen Riders to fight in this war, with the poor saps turned into these creatures not remembering a thing. That is, if they were able to survive the transformation.

George: And then you copied my Barid Rex Vistamp to combine these 10 into your Frankensteined monster form, am I correct?

(Suzu laughs)

Suzu: Copied? I IMPROVED upon your Burrito Rex, or whatever. You simply applied an imprint from your 10 Stamps, where as I combined their full powers.

George: (having a lightbulb moment) Perhaps you?d like to discuss this with me over coffee and the matter of reducing your jail time. (He then leads Suzu away)

Ikki: (watching them go, mournfully) I?m not sure who to feel sorry for. George or Hiromi.

Vice: Until next time! WAH-HOO!

* The maximum penalty for drug trafficking in Japan, in the country?s most high security prison.

** Suzu is using the catchphrase from Rina Aizawa?s role as Go-On Yellow and George?s comment is a sly jab (though considering I like the show, intended affectionately) at Ultraman Trigger: New Generation Tiga, whose titular character has the same catchphrase.