[KyoryuBlue]

Darksiders, a review:

Upon completion of this game, and some time to think on it?

But first, lets get a little backstory, and a trailer.

The Darksiders series is about the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, and go figure. The Apocalypse. It seems in the first one that you are War, thus in Devil ma- Darksiders. You have to, you guessed it "Start the Apocalypse".

It does so in such a way that, supposedly comes off as "Jump starting the apocolypse" Duh fuq? Jump starting the apocalypse. Meh, sounds like a Tuesday.

But, in a weird way it seems that the apocalyp- Y'know what? I am tired of writing "Apocalypse", for the sake of this review? I am going to call it Angel and Demon Fun time. or A.D.F.T, this A.D.F.T. is the result of a angel prematurely attacking hell for supremacy. Yes, an Angel... turning evil... Never heard that before.

Then. -insert the entire breif plot of the game- it turns out that War is being blamed for this A.D.F.T. is being demanded to right the wrongs, that he apparently started. Which he clearly did not. M'yeah... Oh yeah, and Mark Hammil is your Navi, what I would have done for him to pop up every five seconds screeching "Watch out!" "Hey Listen!" etc etc.

Either way, this plot being put forward, you have to right the wrongs of the premature A.D.F.T., as humans where caught in the battle, and killed... like an apocalypse or something... weird.

So, you are given charge and the first thing you are told to do is hunt down one of the people that have betrayed the main baddie, "The Destroyer". Which, if I know context (And I don't.) we are going to have a Steve Urkiel on our hands. This betrayer of "The Destroyer", is a demon by the name of Samuel, who... is essentially the devil from the Tom Cruise flick, Legend. Is essentially forcing you to go kill the big baddies, that if you didn't take out previously would have attacked you regardless. Fair enough.

In progression, the game works like this:

1. Get betrayed.
2. Go to level after receiving power after being betrayed.
3. Traverse the bland land-scapes of... Murica'? (I honestly have no idea where this game is set... Europe perhaps?)
4. Traverse level, LOZ style.
5. Use item achieved by said level LOZ style.
6. You guessed it. Fight boss battle, using said item you just received. Legend. Of. Zelda. Style.
7. Get the bleeding heart of your opponent.
8. Get additional health. (Not even going to say it.)
9. Return to Samuel. To get betrayed in some way.

Rinse and repeat 5 different times.

Knowing this though the game does work in reverse, in a weird way. Though it does show the progression of War getting stronger, before he seeks out revenge. However, as he grows stronger, so do his enemies to the point that a single blow could take you out (Provided you only had one health bar... magically...)

This being said, as War progressively gets stronger, and acquires new abilities from each temple ala Legend of Zelda. The game itself turns itself into an, "Hack and Slash adventure" into a combo puzzler... which despite puns, I thought was quite odd... and puzzling.

Example? You get a portal gun. What in the hell is THQ's blatant rip off of The God of War, is Krat- I mean War... that he is a personification of namesake wise, going to do with a damn'd portal gun once the events of this game are over!? Especially seeing as this portal gun, in a nutshell is "location beneficent", which by definition makes it level specific, which means once the events of Darksiders are finished, his portal gun? Useless. (At-least he didn't pay money for it... Then again, these days? It seems everyone is getting a free portal gun, one way or another...)

Now my overall thoughts on the game? I actually have to break the game down into various elements for this one.

My categories of judgement are going to be:

Graphics, Gameplay, Attacks, Merchant, Story, Overall completion.
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Graphics: 7/10 Overall Thoughts: Decent, but could be better.
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Yes, it is game from 2010. But, Kingdom Hearts is a game from 2001, and it still manages to look better then this game in most regards. Being a similar game to Devil May Cry, God of War, Legend of Zelda, Bayonetta, Kingdom Hearts, and games of those genres. The graphics really do seem sub-par compared to games that even came out prior to it.
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Gameplay: 5/10 Overall thoughts: "Meh..."
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People say I may say I am judging Darksiders to harshly, but I don't even give a damn. It gives off a mindset of direction, and sandbox... however, it seems the sandbox, is more of a trail... and the items in said sandbox are barbie sized. The overall layout of the game made the movement very stiff, and I cannot count enough how many times the camera angle got in the way of movement. Though I was able to change the camera angle, and it still managed to get in the way, as it was trying very to hard to emulate another game with terri-bad camera angling. Devil May Cry.
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Attacks: 7.5 / 10 Overall thoughts: "Unnecessary combos."
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The attack system in Darksiders is... odd. It likes to give the illusion that you are making combos, and by doing so you are to be rewarded by adding a little "X " at the bottom of the screen. However, more often then not, combos are a bit of a moot point. There is no reason to do them, as it is much easier and funner -not- taking six years to kill a simple enemy, upgraded weapon or not.

This also comes into play as you do get various weapons in the game, that also use a similar combo system. The downside though, is you have Primary, Secondary, Secondary to the secondary. So three different weapons that can receive combos, and about four that cannot. Don't get me wrong, a Gun with combos, or a giant shuriken with combos? May be a little unfair to the game. However, this game? IS a little unfair, as for most of the combos that are needed to progress require in-game money to progress. Which yes, you will be obtaining a bunch of it. However, in the end? These combos are pointless, as I finished the final boss up quickly without any muss or fuss, without combos. (Yay, quick time events.)
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Merchant: 2/10 Overall thoughts: "Absolutely pointless."

Whuddah buyin? No. No sir. I am not buying anything from you ever again. I spent so much time, getting excited for the little bonus items that I could turn around and sell, for in-game cash, or when I acquired souls from beating up monsters, or from treasure chests, but all of it was for naught, when I came to the realization, that in the end you really didn't - need- anything purchased in the store, and would be better off just purchasing health potions, and revivals. Which means that these combos I have achieved are for naught as well. I may as well have just leveled up and used a skill tree to acquire these abilities, rather then pay a useless shop keeper, for useless moves, at the least if my character is level up and learning from his levels, there is a sense of growth. Bah humbug to this merchant system.
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Story: 6.5 / 10 Overall Thoughts: "Story, what story?"

Ahaha, the story of Devilbayonofwarlegendofstarfoxadventure? It was a mess, but it was a delightful mess. Something about it wreaks of a fifteen year old writing a story about the Four Horseman, while he is in a social studies class. All the way down to War looking like a refrigerator, with vacuum cleaners and bowling balls for arms. The weird part though, is that it did appeal to the fifteen year old me. Which possibly is what they where going for. Who knows? It did succeed in getting me into it towards the end, though I wish that it had a real ending instead of the "We will hunt you" "I know", Batman spiel.
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Overall completion:

Darksiders. It is a very odd game, that fits into a category that... isn't awful. But, it does just a piss poor job at it's job, that once you have no hope for it getting any better. It does indeed get better... then takes a nose-dive, off a clifff, that was being transported via stealth bomber. The whole A.D.F.T was a bit bland, and if I do say so the entire game was pretty bland, and generic. Asides from the random Scottish landscape we get of Ulthaine "The Maker". It was flavour... very racist, and endearing flavour.

Overall, the game wasn't the worst thing i've ever played, and most certainly if you have five bucks available to buy it on Steam, and you haven't? Be my guest, as it is a decent bland game. You can also get this game for free on the Playstation Plus. (Which is ever better then paying money for it. kikiki.)

But, if you have five bucks, and prefer a cheese burger to this ramen? I'd get a grease-covered burger instead...