[Klonoahedgehog]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matrixbeast

A mild tip when it comes to dialogue is that, when multiple characters are speaking, to move the paragraph down a line. It keeps the flow. Some writers will separate dialogue completely, but I don't think it's entirely necessary. However, if you have long stretches of dialogue with little actions, it might be better.
Anyway, I don't have any real criticisms, but there are some minor errors.


-Slightly edited version of your excerpt.

It's decent.
Try to avoid starting a sentence with a conjunction like "And", though. While I'm not going to deride it, it has to carry a certain sense of flow, and the preceding sentence doesn't lead into it.

As for the excerpt at hand, there are points where I'd make revisions in terms of wording and sentence structure, but for what it is, it's not bad.

Thanks for the tip. I'll try to edit it to fit these better.