[Locke]

So I just finished the Fourze portion of Movie War Ultimatum...this is gonna be a long one and I'm gonna need a break before I watch the rest of this film.

What started as an epilogue for the series, which I was hoping to be of similar quality to what OOO got in the cross over with Fourze quickly descended into something written like a really bad piece of fan fiction. It's hard to articulate why I hated this, not because I myself am confused, but I can just tell I'm going to have a hard time convincing why it was a problem.

Fourze is childlike, it's part of what it is, it exists in this parallel fantasy universe where even being murdered is something one can shrug off and smile and laugh about later and it really didn't fucking work and that was in a fifty episode series. This idealism smashed into fifty minutes just makes for the most awful awful viewing experience.

I kept waiting for Gen and Sakuta to fuck the way the whole thing played out like some thirteen year old girls fantasy ending for the series, deciding that wish fulfilment makes for better writing than actually trying to wrap up the series or provide any kind of satisfying conclusions for...anything.

Just no, no to everything. Sakuta wouldn't have teamed up with Inga and become an Interpol agent in five years. Gen is physically too thick to become a teacher in the first place, but it'd take him hell of a lot longer than five years to have his own class, I'm not even sure you can become a professional football player in five years, oops (whose name I'm too angry to remember right now) seemingly only became a model so the director can continue to creepily drool on the female cast members, reducing her and 'the psychic girl' to close ups of their skirts for an entire action sequence, while also dressing Yuuki like a weird parallel whore version of herself for a space mission for no apparent reason.

Why is it that the films paint the entire Fourze cast in such a disgusting and unflattering light? If I had watched these films, without watching the show, I'd be in for a real shock to find that they are nothing like these poor imitations. Hell the head writer for the fucking show has a credit on this, so how do you misunderstand your own characters this much? I kept waiting for it to end with Gen waking up from a daydream in class, but nope, this is the epilogue Fourze gets, what a fucking pile of bilge.

And for moments, the Fourze segments seems to have some form of clarity in just how dumb this all is, but then those moments quickly pass and the film carries on taking this ridiculous and ill fitting epilogue seriously.

And don't even ask me why Gen suddenly threw the Fourze Driver away and destroyed it, I have no fucking idea what he was thinking or why anyone would allow him to do that but I guess this stops him coming back for any more films... What the fuck is going on?!

Also, the fuck was well...everything else? It seemed like it got padded by someone's margin doodles just chucking random half formed ideas in there like fucking psychic mutant Inuzaman or whatever the fuck his name was and a new appearance from Kamen Rider Goo. It's pointless, and wastes my time, and this whole segment is fucking garbage.

Even the action wasn't that great, as it presented us with some of the crappiest wirework I've seen for about a decade. I do love that Fourze in the films whizzes through lots of Switches in rapid succession so he can embody what his powers are about but I'd still rather just watch the series than ever repeat these fifty minutes of my life again.