[KRX]

Quote:

Originally Posted by XW1n5t0nX

Well, after beginning long thought sessions about my life starting many months back, I believe I have come to a realization I'm sure I've known for a long time. That realization being that...I do believe I may be in love with my best female friend.

I've known her since I was in second grade, and we've stayed pretty good friends over the years. She's been the girl that I've had the healthiest relationship as far as friendship goes with a girl wise, she's the one I trust more then anybody.

I remember in sixth grade, I asked her to a dance yet, and me being my Autistic non social self, just sat in the bleachers talking with friends. She came up to me at one point and asked if I was going to hang out with her, and then asked if I liked her. I forget what my answer was in all honesty.

Plus, we've always kinda have acted as each other's personal therapist and cheerer upper. If I was feeling down, she'd talk to me, and being that she knows I have my oddities, she'd even council me on the spot. Heck, when I was younger and was crying at school once because someone took a drawing I worked really hard on, she pretty much sat down next to me and rubbed my back and shit to help me out.

I think the final nail in the coffin in coming to this realization was when I read 5 Centimeters Per Second, and connected so much with pretty much every character. I stayed up late into the night thinking of what I wanted in a relationship, and she quite honestly kept coming into my mind repeatedly. So it's safe to say that I feel beyond close to her, and have some genuine feelings for her.

Only problem is, to my knowledge, she's still engaged, and if she isn't, is dating somebody else. Plus, I remember one time we were talking about dating and shit. I brought up that there aren't many a girls I would immediately jump into a relationship with, but there were quite a few I'd take out on dates. She asked if she was one and I said yes. When I asked if I'd be somebody she'd date, she said not really.

It's slightly saddening to me that I'm unsure of what he status is, and if I feel comfortable with these feelings. I'd easily consider her my best overall friend. For example, she'll do a shit ton of posts on Facebook that's pretty much always how she wants people to respect her, and how she feels that a lot of the guys she's been with treat her like shit. I read those and I immediately just wanna be like "They may be shit, but I'm not," and stuff along those lines. But I never do.

I'm certain she doesn't know this is how I honestly feel, and if she does, she nevers brings it up. I'm at a point in my life when I'm growing rapidly as a person, and I'm at the point to where even though I'm 18, I reflect on my life to see what I should have done, what I shouldn't have done, mistakes, and everything in between. One thing that I always think about is being in a relationship. I'm the type of person who loves having somebody with me, it helps me get through this shithole called life. And a relationship and love is the ultimate form of that. I just, I just want somebody to be with me. I need someone to walk through life with me. And she is honestly somebody who I'd really want to follow me through this road. But I don't know what to do. I don't wanna stay quiet, but part of me wants to since I'm not sure about what is happening with her. I don't wanna go into a relationship and get hurt again (I've been hurt, no fucking killed in relationships before). I just don't know what the fuck to do. And it's painful not knowing.

That sounds a lot like the relationship between me and my best friend.

Really, I think the best thing you can do is be open with her. Tell her how you think you feel (the "think" part is important). Here's how I would phrase it:

"I want you to know that I really value our friendship. But I'm beginning to think I value it beyond friendship…"

That is by no means perfect, but it's a base. If she denies you, or asks for time to think, give her some space for a bit. Let her collect her feelings without your influence for a few days.