[Dr Kain]

To kick off my Godzilla-thon (even though I won’t be watching all of the movies in a small time span) I decided to change up my order and start with Final Wars. Why? Well because next year will be its 10th anniversary. Plus, I wanted to relook at the final, and most controversial movie, first.

So with that said:

Godzilla Final Wars: First I’m just going to straight off say that this movie is bad, very bad. As a Godzilla movie, it is downright terrible. Godzilla does not even show up until an hour into the movie, and by then, we have been given so much exposition, so much filler, too many characters and monsters without any rhyme or reason for it, that you are ready for the movie to be over when the big G finally shows up. This movie feels more like Kitamura was planning to make a Matrix type super hero movie when he was asked to do Godzilla, so he just adapted his script to include as many beloved Toho kaiju as possible into the movie regardless of whether or not we see them on screen for more than 10 seconds. Honestly, there was no need to even bother with “Zilla” or Hedorah, as their scenes are just pointless and add nothing to the so called plot (other than showing how much they hate the US version).

The human characters feel like they are just going through the motions of the movie to the point that you cannot even take them seriously. Don Fry seems to have these reactions as if he has no idea what is going on outside of his own lines, so they feel forced and very much scripted. The rest of the cast is pretty forgettable, which is a shame since they even have Kane Kosugi in this movie. His talents are definitely wasted as instead of utilizing him, he is there to give one bad line in English and become nothing more than background for the remainder of the movie until he ID4’s himself. Ozaki has more personality in his hair than his entire performance, while both Anna and Miyuki are there just to have some fan service added to the mix. I’m not sure if Miyuki figured she was going to die and wanted to look pretty when she kicked the bucket on this mission or what, but who the hell is going to wear high heels to a big battle like this? Even the X Alien villain of the movie seems to not even be taking this thing seriously, but at least he appears to be having fun with his role.

As for the monsters, they are a mixed bag. Some of them, such as Gigan and Hedorah, look great, while others, like King Ceasar and Anguirus just look goofy. I don’t hate their new designs, it is just that their heads really look like the rubber they are made out of instead of monster heads. If there is one thing they did not look like in the originals, it was rubber monsters. Speaking of modern inferiority, what is up with Kumonga’s spider web? It is clearly just rope tied together. Did they run out of a budget before they filmed his battle with Godzilla and just used the first thing they could find at a dollar store? I do like Kaiser Ghidorah’s design even if it does stray from the King Ghidorah we all know and love. He feels like that final boss he is supposed to be, so it works despite how ridiculous it is to see Godzilla just tossing him over his back as if it he was hollow on the inside. Speaking of Godzilla, that brings me to my final piece when it comes to the monsters, I do not like his design at all. I get what they were going for by making him thinner, but it makes him look more like Godzilla Jr than Godzilla. Most of all, his back looks lazily put together. The spines just look so far apart from each other and too small. One of the best things about the Godzilla designs from the Heisei era was his back, and here there is nothing to praise outside of giving the designs an E for Epic Failure.

The movie itself is quite subpar. It definitely feels like a Kitamura movie, which is great if that is your thing. I definitely enjoy a bunch of the man’s movies, which is why I do not outright hate this movie. On the other hand, if you do not like Kitamura’s movies, or was just looking for an updated version of Destroy All Monsters, you will be disappointed. Aside from being an action movie first and a Godzilla movie second, the movie suffers from pointless characters, subplots that did not need to be there (seriously, there is no reason for Minilla to be in this movie at all), monsters that were there just for the sake of being there, and a score that is a mixed bag. There are some great pieces to be found, with some homages to the music of old, but then there is a lot of crap that sounds like it was ripped out of a Nintendo game from the 80s. Overall, I’m giving Godzilla Final Wars a 4/10. Sadly, it isn’t the worst Godzilla movie ever, and it does have action to make up for everything else, but it is not even that good of a movie in the long run.