[Locke]

Bullet To The Head may well be Stallone's most ego stroking flick yet, telling the story of a once dedicated and loyal to the law cop finding that true justice is found in throwing people off of catwalks and at the end of a smoking gun, all thanks to a hitman with a conscience named Bobo.

"No women, no children." Bobo (Stallone) claims his rules are, while everyone in the audience shakes their heads knowingly. Bullet constantly reminds us of his righteousness, characterising him as an honourable single father, who may operate outside of the law, but always has the best methods and is ultimately, always right.

It's a shame as well, because I really like the concept of Bobo's character. Stallone is pushing seventy now, and the movie - whether through Stallone or Hill's choice - imbues Bobo with this world weariness that makes crag face Stallone work in a genre that is largely dominated by pretty Asian men doing gymnastics. He's a deliberate relic, like one of his 80s characters all grown up but I just wish he was used better, and in a better movie. It's just so disappointing that a film with (seeming) initial complexity ends up just being another vanity piece, landing the film in ultimately mediocre territory.

Honestly though, the true strengths are in the supporting cast. The devilishly handsome Jason Momoa is our villain, Keegan, a brutal and unrelenting force of nature who is able to be sexy and murder EVERYTHING. His one man army, Terminator, characterisation almost feels like the character Stallone would have been playing if this came out thirty years ago, like Stallone is facing a younger, evil version of his on screen persona.

Meanwhile the gorgeous Sarah Shahi is covered in hilariously fake looking tattoos and rarely wears a bra, while sassing everyone in sight - you could say it's degrading that they basically included her for her tits but remember she got paid more for this single flick, than you'll probably make in your lifetime.

And the action is...complicated. Stallone may now look more like Clayface than a human being, but the fight scenes in this film have some real punch. Rooms get levelled from sluggish MANLY fist fights, there are fights like something straight out of a samurai flick...with fire axes, explosions, blood flies as curved blades swing, bullets from small pistols appear to have the same impact as grenades and some people get run over!

No, it's all terrific fun, it's just the problem is that it's edited like shit. The whole thing cuts so fast you can barely see a fucking thing, and everything moves so damn fast, by the time you grasp what you are seeing you have no idea what is going on any more. Fuck.

Probably the most depressing thing for me, is I can totally see what this movie is trying to do, if a movie has ever been made for me it's this one, but it just doesn't work. Or at least, it never worked for me, despite everything. All this movie makes me want to do is watch Cobra and The Warriors again, not exist in this artificial and nostalgic bubble that is Bullet To The Head. Although I can't truly hate a movie that just wants to have fun, but I don't have to love it either.