[Kamen Rider Die]

KAMEN RIDER X SUPER SENTAI X SPACE SHERIFF: SUPER HERO TAISEN Z

This isn’t one of my favorite types of Kamen Rider films. It’s not really trying to be about anything. There are multiple lead characters, but their stories barely overlap. It’s the kind of movie where the theme is conveyed by people repeating multiple variations on the same phrase over a 90-minute span of time. Most of the plot is just dozens of people appearing and disappearing from the narrative; quantity over quality. It’s all empty calories.

But, hell, it’s Christmas. I don’t really feel like complaining about this thing for hundreds of words on Christmas. So, in the spirit of the waning hours of the season, let me just try and engage with this thing on its own Let’s Throw A Whole Bunch Of Superheroes On Screen level.

KAMEN RIDER WIZARD




This isn’t really a Haruto story, despite his large amount of screentime. He’s there to convey the theme, as seen above, and that’s about it. He’s accused of Space Terrorism by Gavan, and while the story could ostensibly be about clearing his name, that’s all over and done with by their second meeting. Haruto’s there to bring Gavan hope, which is both the lowest-hanging fruit for a Wizard story, and also maybe perfect for a crossover film. It’s all capital letters, you know. Undiluted Haruto.

The main problem with Haruto’s contribution to the story is that he’s already hopeful, so it’s not like he’s challenged or changed by the plot. He’s already sure they’ll find a way to save the universe, and they eventually do. That’s it. That’s his story for this movie, and it’s not really the sort of thing I can dig into.

SPACE SHERIFF GAVAN



He’s okay! It’s predominantly his story, this movie. He’s the one who changes and grows, moving from a glowering executioner to a hopeful Freelance Peacekeeping Agent. I like a story where someone learns to be a hero thanks to a Kamen Rider, and that’s what this ends up being. Geki’s change is all down to one guy being like Don’t Give Up Hope, and so he doesn’t? Eventually? It’s blunt, but it manages to be the only real dramatic arc for this movie.

It took me a while to warm up to Geki. He’s just some by-the-book space cop for the first few scenes, and then he’s a grumpily chastened ex-space cop for the next few scenes. It’s only after he starts teaming with Gai that he develops a little bit of lightness, a little bit of humor. (I laughed out loud at when he tried to bypass Space Ironmen Kyodain by pointing out that he was also from space. Pretty good gag!) By the end, when he and Sharivan were punching each other in the face to prove their dedication to their principles, I was sort of won over by Geki. Not a dude I’m looking to see more of, but he anchored this film dramatically, and I appreciate it.

YELLOW BUSTER



This is what I’m talking about when I say that these stories don’t really overlap. Youko’s whole thing about feeling lonely and forming a friendship with Psykoron, it’s not really about keeping hope alive? It’s just about friendship, which feels more in line with a Fourze crossover film than a Wizard one. I liked it, it’s very cute, but every scene felt like it was edited in from a completely separate film. (It does not help that Youko, like the other two, would just randomly disappear for chunks of the story.)

Youko’s real fun. I wish she’d felt more central to the story. I don’t know that I thought she needed to be in this movie, but the performance was fun. I bought her motivation. She’s charismatic in a way that, frankly, the two male leads weren’t. (I don’t really care for Haruto that much, in general.) Her scenes were probably my favorite, because she brought an energy that no one else did.

GOKAI SILVER



Well, almost no one else.

Gai’s in this one, basically in the Shunpei role. He’s a sort of random inclusion. You’d think he’d be teamed up with Geki for a whole criminal/cop thing, playing off of Gai’s frequently-stated profession as a space pirate… but, no, the space cop never once brings it up. (I feel like a space cop should be mildly interested in space piracy? Maybe that’s not technically against the space law. I’m no space lawyer!) Instead, Gai’s just here to be the occasionally-angry conscience, for some reason. Feels like it should’ve maybe been handled by Haruto or Youko, but we have Gai doing it.

Gai showing up was basically when I gave up on this movie having anything to say. He shows up out of nowhere, in the middle of a different out-of-nowhere Sentai appearance, and he doesn’t seem to have a big reason to take part in the story. The actor does a good job in his scenes, but his inclusion reeks of This Was All We Could Get.

KYORYUGER



Ha ha, oh god, why bother? Why bother talking about them?

They randomly appear at Kamen Rider Stadium to shout some catchphrases and have a quick stakes-free hero fight, and then show back up at the end with their Zords or whatever. They don’t further the plot or the themes in any way. It’s just more characters to eat up the runtime, the end.

ALL THE REST



Same thing!

A million Riders and Sentai show up to pose and say their names, and I was just checking the counter on VLC to see how close I was to being done with this movie. It’s fine, in that Look At All The Heroes way, but it isn’t clever or anything. It never has a scene approaching the Marvelous/Decade fight from Taisen, where the Sentai and Rider aspects complimented each other. It’s just a hodge-podge of suits. Cool to see them, but I don’t like getting it in lieu of a narrative.

The villains were the same thing. I did laugh at Shocker immediately rebranding themselves as Space Shocker; just putting Space in front of all their names, them being so proud of it. But they’re just there to be suits to fight, nothing interesting. Shadow Moon finally gets some dialogue, but he could’ve been literally any Showa villain. The main guy, Raider, has a needlessly convoluted plan that culminates in a giant monster rising up from Kamen Rider Quarry, so who cares.

It’s a weird movie, you guys. It keeps shoveling in new characters for, like, a scene (hello, Rinko, Shunpei, and Shinken Yellow!), and then it never brings them back. The finale is a bunch of random new power-ups with zero establishment in the plot. The main Kamen Rider for the story is gone for about twenty minutes and it’s never explained where he went or why. Lazy writing, front to back.

But does anyone care? I mean, I do, I didn’t like watching this movie, but that’s only because I care about stories. This wasn’t really even trying to tell a story. Chastising it for lazy writing is like chastising an Oronamin C commercial for breaking continuity. Those aren’t the goals it set for itself, so it’s maybe unfair for me to judge them by it.

I don’t have to like it, though. I hold these things to a high standard (for a Designed To Sell Toys To Japanese Children-level of “high”) because I know what they’re capable of. To see something this uninspired and slap-dash is… look, it’s Christmas. This was bright and colorful and some of it was entertaining. I don’t want to complain today. They get a pass for the holiday.

Merry Christmas, TokuNation.