[Kamen Rider Die]

KAMEN RIDER SABER EPISODE 5 - “MY FRIEND, THE SWORDSMAN OF LIGHTNING”



KAIDO

That alone: five stars. Seeing this guy back on my TV in a new role is already the highlight of my year. Any complaints I’d have after that are minor in comparison.

But speaking of complaints.

If there’s one thing this show doesn’t lack for, it’s characters, If there’re two things this show doesn’t lack for, it’s big brass balls. To take your fifth episode – your FIFTH EPISODE – and turn it into a ramshackle Let’s See What Everyone’s Up To screw-around… boy, that is something else. That is a decision that shows tremendous confidence in your cast to make it all palatable to the audience, and tremendous obliviousness at the insanity of how much story you’ve actually told so far.

If it works at all, it’s because this show is dead-on right to have enough confidence in their actors to sell a bunch of underwritten fight scenes and unconvincing revelations. (I kinda love that the first time we learn that Calibur is Kento’s dad is randomly in a conversation with Ogami, instead of at a climactic, emotionally-relevant moment. Also, I don’t think Calibur is Kento’s dad.) This show is a workplace dramedy, so letting its various coworkers ping-pong off of each other in a bunch of charming dialogue-heavy scenes… it’s not the worst idea this show has had yet, that’s for sure. You can totally send Rintaro and Mei off into a citywide excursion that only succeeds in them getting jumped by Desast (sort of, he’s pretty much just out for a walk, total non-Kaido episode highlight) and Zoooooooous, and still call it an enjoyable subplot. Ogami and Kento sharing a soda on a roof before Ogami swears vengeance against a bottling plant or whatever? Similarly captivating.

But the main story these characters are all supposedly operating in? Nowhere. Dog shit. The piranha stuff is laughably inconsequential, even by this show’s standards for tokusatsu action storytelling. There’s just, like, two of them! The end! It’s so obligatory and thin that I’d rather they not even have bothered. None of the monster stuff contributes anything towards Kento’s feelings of guilt and/or responsibility, beyond a vague air of consternation. The heart of his rage comes from the way Calibur’s actions personally affected Touma and the Sword of Logos; there’s absolutely nothing of value, narratively, in a cruise ship or a race track. It’s just noise, and it’s a distraction a show this frequently unfocused can't afford.

I wish to god this show could just, like, pick a lane. It’s got a charming cast, a hilarious antagonist in Desast, and a terrifying menace in Calibur. Spending any time at all with a half-assed Megid and one of them dopes from the Book Club… no. No, you cannot afford to drop that shit in when you’ve got so much stuff, better stuff, to build out and address. If you can’t find a way to tie that stuff in organically – AND YOU CAN’T – just leave it out.

Anyway, KAIDO, the end.

—

MARTINIS ON THE ROOF



“Maintenance.”

“Hi, yeah, this is Tomohisa from the 8th floor? From the law firm?”

“Tomo, yeah, it’s Nachi. What’s up?”

“So, one of our paralegals went up to the roof for a smoke, and there’s, uh, there's…”

“...’there’s’ what?”

“She– she said it looked like there’d been a school play up there.”

“Uh huh.”

“Yeah, it– it, uh, there was a stage? And benches?”

“Okay. So, what can I do for you, Tomo.”

“What can you… I’m sorry? I said there was a stage on the roof, and benches. She told me there was an inflatable globe. I was hoping you can tell me what that is, and when it’s going to be removed.”

“Well, removed, I don’t know, probably tonight. I think the swordsmen’re probably done with it by now, I’m just waiting for the night crew to get here so we can start taking it all apart.”

“Oh, that’s great, we… I’m sorry, did you say ‘swordsmen’?”

“Yeah, the swordsmen from the Sword of Logos.”

“Is that a, a kendo club?”

“The Sword of Logos? Nah, they’re a, whatchacallit, kind of a mystical society of warriors, armed with forbidden knowledge and unparalleled weaponry, destined to defend the world as we know it from the villainy of creatures from beyond human comprehension. One of those, you know?”

“I–”

“So, yeah, they got a long-term lease on the roof. They need to brood, mostly – great views of the city – and sometimes to work through downbeat character arcs. That kid Touma, his words, not mine. We let the other tenants use it all the other times when they don’t need it; smoke breaks, lunches, that sort of thing.”

“Uh–”

“But we’ll get that all broken down tonight, less’n they need it for some inner conflict and guilt that’s still gnawin’ at ‘em something fierce. I’ll give ‘em a shout at their North Pole base, just make sure we’re clear for teardown.”

“Th– thanks. Thanks, Nachi.”

“Not a problem, Tomo. Anything else I can do for ya?”

“Well, there’s one other thing. It looks like the soda machine was cleft in twain? Can you get someone to take a look at it tomorrow?”