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04-14-2021, 04:49 PM | #3281 |
Banned
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: A Cave
Posts: 2,115
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I'm bored soooo, some random question lets go with what is everyone's fursonas? You know you have one, so spill it or else.
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04-14-2021, 07:27 PM | #3282 |
Some guy. I'm alright.
Join Date: Sep 2019
Location: Michigan
Posts: 4,428
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Last night I had a dream that there was a McDonald's themed Transformer who looked like the Turbo Megazord, for some reason.
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04-14-2021, 08:12 PM | #3283 |
King of Souls
Join Date: May 2020
Location: Georgia
Posts: 841
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Quote:
Quote:
... shoot me
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Selling stuff, check out my stuff. |
04-14-2021, 08:49 PM | #3284 |
Kaiju or Hero?
Join Date: Jan 2021
Location: Even I Don't Know Anymore.
Posts: 1,397
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04-14-2021, 08:55 PM | #3285 |
Some guy. I'm alright.
Join Date: Sep 2019
Location: Michigan
Posts: 4,428
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04-15-2021, 09:15 AM | #3286 |
Banned
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: A Cave
Posts: 2,115
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04-15-2021, 10:31 AM | #3287 |
Ex-Weather Three leader
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 10,558
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Lemme guess. The head was a burger, the torso was a McDonalds coffee, had fries for limbs and chicken nuggets for eyes.
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04-15-2021, 10:52 AM | #3288 |
WONDER RIDER
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,727
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Hey guys.
I'd like your assistance with something. I don't usually do this, but I would like feedback on a creative writing piece I'm doing for a university assignment. If there's anything you guys could say about this piece below that would be helpful. I won't force you guys to read it but if you're bored or interested, feedback would be appreciated. Preferably in terms of characterisation, pacing, plot structure and/or dialogue (is the dialogue too dry?). I'm slightly over the word limit so I doubt I'll add anything new but at least I could go over the existing material already. In case you're interested, the prompt I used for this story is that "Aliens and humans now establish relationship with each other. However, it has been discovered that humans went extinct ages ago. So what are the humans living on Earth now?" I might have slightly deviated from the prompt a bit though. Anyway, feedback appreciated. Thanks in advance mates.
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04-15-2021, 10:54 AM | #3289 |
WONDER RIDER
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,727
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Here's the creative writing piece:
The assembly hall was packed. The Head looked over the assembled Galactic Community. Representatives from various planets congested to discuss the latest issue. “Let’s get to business.” The Head looked at the assembly in front of him. “Two years ago, mysterious documents were discovered in a crate on one of the transport shuttles that was carrying valuable resources from Earth. We’ve handed them over to the Research Department to analyse them and now, the Head of the Galactic Research Department has said that they’ve finished doing so and requested a meeting with the Galactic Community.” Blarr, The Head of the Galactic Research Department, inhaled deeply to calm his nerves. “That is correct your honor.” Blarr looked at the assembly from his podium. “As you all know, The Galactic Community finally breached the unknown area that lies within the Oort Cloud; the final unexplored area of the Milky Way, all the way back in the 15th Epoch, 190th Rotation, 160th Year of the Pan-Spiral Calendar; 150 years ago. “We were able to identify a solar system within the Oort Cloud Area. The third planet from its sun, called ‘Earth’ by its inhabitants, was discovered to be the only planet within that solar system to house any intelligent life form. We began contact and negotiations with them. “On the 210th year of the same Rotation, the planet was formally welcomed into the Galactic Community. However, Earth insisted that no one set foot on the planet and that all trades relating to resources be conducted on a space colony that orbits the planet. No ambassador from Earth has also ever attended a Galactic Community assembly. As a result, no one knows anything about Earth…until now. “As you have all heard, mysterious documents were found in a crate on one of the transport shuttles. We concluded it came from Earth as they contained some languages previously unseen in the galaxy as well as the presence of unknown bacteria. After months of radiation cleansing and machine translation we skimmed over the documents and-“ “Skimmed?” someone interrupted. “I thought you were analysing them?” Blarr pressed a button on the tablet in front of him. A series of texts was holographically projected across the assembly hall. – Food’s running out. I don’t know how many survivors are left. We’ve tried going on supply errands but it’s no use. They keep finding and killing us. – – Everything’s gone to hell. At this point death seems like a sweet release compared to being kept alive by them. Whatever they are. – – I don’t want to die I don’t want to die I don’t want to die. Why is this happening? Is this divine punishment upon us? Are we to pay for our sins by being killed by them? – “As you can see,” said Blarr, “these documents all recall Earth’s inhabitants being attacked by an unidentified threat that systematically infiltrated their societies before proceeding to wipe out vast populations. No need for a deep analysis to paint a picture for us.” A murmur swept through the room. “So a weapon capable of destroying civilisations did exactly what it did. So what?” The Minister of Planetary Defense waved her hand nonchalantly. “We’ve dealt with this before on many planets; it’s nothing new at this point.” “With all due respect ma’am, the documents refer to the threat as ‘them’, not ‘that’ or ‘it’.” Blaar sipped a bottle of water. “Whatever this threat was, the documents imply an intentional attack upon the writers that was clearly discriminate in nature.” “Are you trying to tell us that we’re looking at an ethnic cleansing of global scale that occurred in the past?” asked the Minister of Foreign Affairs. “This is the most disturbing part sir,” continued Blarr. “We carbon dated the original documents and dated it back to a mere century ago. Considering how the Galactic Community identified at least 9 billion life signatures on Earth when the planet was discovered roughly 150 years ago, and that roughly the same number exist now, how did they cover such a massive extermination that happened 100 years ago? It might be beyond my right to say this, but if you factor in Earth’s current foreign policy and…I don’t believe I have to voice my suspicions yes?” Another wave of murmur. The Head then turned to assembly. “There you have it everyone. We will decide our next action based on majority vote. Anyone in favour of doing a possible surface investigation on Earth must vote now.” (-) 5-027 stood in the center of the meeting hall. Surrounding him were Earth’s world leaders, each one influential and powerful in their own right. It was said that the old race once gathered together in a similar manner in an attempt to unify their various countries and territories under a common goal. Those splintered nations, united as one, would serve as a deterrence against the old race’s self-destructive nature. Not that 5-027 cared anything about the old race. The Head motioned to 5-027, snapping him out of his thoughts. “Earth Head Ambassador 5-027, reporting,” said 5-027. “What is your report?” inquired one of the world leaders. “A concerning situation has arisen,” reported 5-027. “We do not know how, but the embassy has been forced to conclude that the aliens have acquired records potentially written by the old race.” A silence permeated the room for a few seconds, as if the world suddenly froze over. Then, the sound of murmuring swept across the meeting hall. “…What?” “How did they acquire such documentation? We destroyed all proof of the old race’s existence before the negotiations with the aliens were in earnest!” “We spent far too much time and resources to set up those faux-bio-signal emitters within the cities! Are you telling me the aliens were able to figure out that the old race no longer exists?” “If they find out the old race is gone, they’ll accuse us of ethnic cleansing! Even worse, they’ll use this as an opportunity to take control of Earth! After everything we went through to liberate it from out creators!” “Idiots! This concerns more than the old race; this is a matter of global security! The only mode of contact between Earth and the outside is through the trade colony! Who knows what was in those documents? All of our secrets are also at risk!” The murmur slowly increased into a loud cacophony of noise. “This is a serious blunder! Who’s in charge of security in the trade colony?!? They should be interrogated and admonished immediately!!!” “That’s enough!” a loud voice permeated through the air. 5-027 looked at the one who interrupted the hall’s chaos. It was A7-77B, the world leader who managed Earth’s third largest territory. “Everyone,” said A7-77B, “we do not know yet if the aliens really did acquire proof of the old race as the Head Ambassador says, and even if they did we don’t know how. So why don’t you all cool your heads so we can come to a proper conclusion?” The voices in the hall slowly faded. “Thank you everyone.” A7-77B nodded at 5-027. “Head Ambassador, please explain how you came to this…discomfiting conclusion.” “Earlier this week, the embassy was contacted by the outsiders,” continued 5-027. “They asked some rather odd questions regarding the wellbeing of our people before making an odd ‘request’. They did not specify their reasons but requested a full scan of the planet as well as permission for landing teams to operate on the surface-” “And how is this related to the old race?” interrupted another world leader. “As far as we know they might just want potential locations for ground colonies despite our insistent refusal.” “That is a reasonable possibility,” continued 5-027. “However, despite our efforts to deter them, they were strangely insistent on landing on the planet. What is more, the sheer amount of landing parties they wished to send was more than necessary for a simple surface sweep. It might as well be an invasion.” The assembly hall descended back into chaos. “Enough!” the Head shouted. “Everyone, you have heard the Head Ambassador’s report. Invasion or not, what is important is that the aliens have demanded passage to our surface despite our clear stance on that matter. We must now vote on an appropriate action to take.” (-) A7-77B stared out of the window. “So…how was the assembly?” asked his driver, looking at A7-77B through the rear-view mirror. “You’ve been quieter than usual ever since the meeting ended two hours ago. Something must have happened there.” Another minute of silence passed in the car. “Did you know this would happen?” A7-77B asked the driver, breaking the silence. “They all decided to prepare their defensive measures in case something ‘exciting’ happens. And need I remind you that if they ever find out that you were among the ones who snuck the documents into the transport shuttle-“ “Relax. If they ever find out you can fire me on the spot to remove any liability,” the driver chuckled. “I’m not just talking about my status! If they find out that you’re actually a…” The driver raised up her hand. “Right now, we need to let our friends out there know what’s happening here; that Earth is not as pristine as they think it is. That’s most important right now.” A7-77B sighed. “This is going to be a long ride…” I hope you enjoyed reading this if you did. Even one piece of feedback makes all the difference. Thanks guys.
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04-15-2021, 11:38 AM | #3290 |
Procrastinator
Join Date: Jan 2021
Location: Earth
Posts: 256
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Wow.
Seriously, that's amazing. I'm not really sure if I can say anything helpful, but this is really good wrighting. I can feel the characters emotions, and the way things are and aren't explained gives off this "what's going on" feeling. I wish I could explain my thoughts on this a little better, but I don't really know anything about wrighting. People tell me I'm good at it, but I don't really know how. But this isn't about me. This is about that really good thing you just wrote. And I wish I could say more about it, but it was really good.
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